It seems like as soon as Halloween is over, the world skips right to Christmas. Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas as much as the next person, but Sam and my favorite holiday has always been Thanksgiving. There are so many reason why...the food, the family, the fun and then decorating for Christmas and finally blasting Christmas music. I guess it all boils down to the traditions we started when the kids were little. Thanksgiving is still my favorite holiday, but it's not the same and it never will be. There is a huge hole in my heart and our family traditions just aren't the same.
The first year we basically skipped Thanksgiving. It was too soon and none of us could even imagine celebrating a holiday when Sam was missing. When 2019 came, I wasn't sure I could do all those things she loved so much, but I chose to do it for her. There were and still are times when I find myself grabbing my phone to text her...to ask her opinion on something. Even though we lived 100s of miles apart, we still "shopped" together. We would send each other pics to get the other's opinion. Now I just talk to her...ask what she thinks, but the answer never comes.
Even as a little girl when it was just the three of us...she loved helping me in the kitchen and preparing for the meal. As she got older, she decided cooking was not her thing, but she always got up early with me as I prepared for the big meal. While I was cooking we would watch the Macy's Day parade and sing along with all the show tunes. And she always requested the cornucopia filled with veggies. We would laugh every year when she would announce she was "stuffed" and couldn't eat another thing before pies had been served. So I would say, "okay no pie for you" and her reply, "Oh Mom, my dessert compartment is empty, don't worry." Now when someone says they are full, we remind them about their "dessert compartment."
After dinner and dishes were cleaned up, we would look through all the sales ads from the newspaper. It was always a large stack for the sales that would commence on Black Friday. When Sam was in 5th grade she asked if we could go Black Friday shopping. It wasn't something I was a fan of, but since she wanted to go, we went. I'll never forget how much she hated it! She told me she never wanted to do that again and we never did.
The weekend after Thanksgiving we decorated for Christmas. First we had to go pick out a tree and cut it down. We would walk through the fields until we found the perfect one. Then home to decorate, listen to music and eat leftovers. In Pennsylvania the kids always had that following Monday off for the first day of buck, so we had a long weekend to decorate and we truly needed it. Come Monday night we would sit by the tree with just the lights on admiring our work. It was always perfect.
You see Thanksgiving isn't just a holiday to me...it's a feeling and a connection to my daughter that will remain with me forever. Nobody can take that from me. It's painful and joyful at the same time. Even though she isn't physically here, her spirit fills our home and it always will. Samantha, you are missed more than you can imagine, but you are NEVER forgotten. Thanksgiving will never be the same, but as long as I am able, I will continue the traditions that meant so much to you. I love you baby girl. Happy Thanksgiving, Love Mom
I hope you enjoy some of our Thanksgiving photos of past...
