Have you ever let your fear of the unknown hold you back from something? We always taught our children that they should not let something they "thought" may happen keep them from trying new things. There have been times in my life when I needed to listen to my own advice. One of those times was early in my journey with my business. I just recently celebrated 20 years with my business and I think of what life would have been like had I not faced all the fears I had of starting it. All those voices in my head telling me I wasn't good enough, didn't look the part, wasn't smart enough...blah, blah, blah. Have you ever been there?
Thankfully my family had been listening to what I had been preaching. Specifically Samantha had been listening and she was good at reminding me of my own advice. Early after starting my business the company's yearly conference was happening in Grapevine, TX. I knew it would be good for me to go, but I had more excuses of why I should not go. We didn't have the money. I didn't want to leave my family for 5 days. I had never flown by myself. I didn't know anyone who would be there. I didn't have anything to wear. The list went on and on. Ron and the kids were all telling me I needed to go. I think they just wanted a vacation from Mom. LOL Samantha was my biggest cheerleader. She was so excited about all the "possibilities." I was listing all the things that could go wrong and she was thinking of all the great things that could happen. At the age of 13 she was already beyond her years. I think she was born with the desire to travel and see the world. She saw life as an adventure even at an early age.
So I made the decision to go. I remember how fearful I was. I cried all the way to the airport. I didn't want to go, but we had invested the money we really didn't have and I couldn't back out now. I had to show my kids I could do hard things even when I was terrified. I remember Sam being so giddy about the trip. She had shoved something in my purse as I was leaving and told me not to look at it until I was on the plane. When we were in the air I opened the letter and it brought me to tears. My "little" girl was taking care of me. She was telling me it was going to be okay in her own special way. And you know what, she was right.
Samantha and I would do that for each other going forward. When she was fearful, I would remind her she could do anything and when I was letting fear rear it's ugly head, she would be there for me. I miss our talks so much. There are no words to even describe the pain. No words to describe the emptiness I feel. What I would not do to hear her say, "Mom, it's going to be okay..." To be able to hold her and tell her she can conquer anything.
When days are hard, I listen for her voice. I listen for her wisdom. I'm grateful that I have so many photos of her enjoying life. And I am so grateful I have her letter reminding me that I can do hard things. I have needed that a LOT lately. I have been letting fear fill my head. I think the exhaustion of the last five years of searching has taken it's toll. The exhaustion of treatments. I question whether I'm good enough. If I know what I'm doing. If I'm making a difference...blah, blah, blah. Have you ever been there? If so, listen to Samantha. You can do hard things. Feel the fear and do it anyway. Life is short, don't wait!
I'm listening honey....
