Happy 33rd birthday Samantha. Those words are filled with love and pain. It's the sixth birthday we have been cheated from celebrating with you. So far the morning has been filled with tears. Tears of sadness mostly. But we have found some joy in the memories as we go through photos and talk about you. We want you to know that there is not a day we don't talk about you or think about you. In fact a day doesn't go by that I don't talk to you.
This morning we have been looking through photos. Thank goodness I was always taking pictures. I thought about sharing photos from all your birthdays, but then it hit me... if I do that, I will soon run out. There will be no more birthday pictures of you. There will be no more photos of you period. And again I'm shattered.
Birthdays were always a big deal in our home. Not any more. There is now this place in time where everything changed. An inflection point. Before Sam. After Sam. It's hard to even verbalize the "went missing..." when we talk about time. Every holiday has changed. Celebrations are different. Life is different.
Samantha was born August 13, 1990. It was a Monday and she came into the world kicking and screaming at 8:02 pm. She was 22 inches long and weighed 8 pounds, 12 oz. She has such long toes and fingers. Her full name is Samantha Claire and she was named after my maternal grandparents: Samuel and Henrietta St. Claire Kenny. Ian was so excited to meet her. He was so proud to be a big brother at the age of 14.5 months. We brought her home August 15th and our pups Boozer and Bitsy were waiting. Bitsy used to sleep under her crib and cradle all the time. She was a fussy baby and nursed a lot which was fine with me. It just meant more cuddle time. She was also very inquisitive and loved to watch Ian and the dogs and that's why she learned so quickly. And she smiled a lot...especially when people would talk to her or she would see herself in the mirror. But you did know how to scream when you didn't feel good or lost sight of me. And you used to suck on your toes all the time! I called you the velcro baby because you didn't want to leave my side. You were still nursing full time at 10 months and you hated the word no. By your first birthday I started to call you Stormy as you were getting around like a little bulldozer. You didn't like us telling you no, but you were great at telling everyone else no. You weren't afraid of anything and were starting to sleep a little better. And you LOVED to sit with Ian and me and read books. We celebrated your first birthday at Grandma and Grandpa's house in Michigan. It was a good day.
So today Sam, on your 33rd birthday, we will eat your favorite meal and we will go for a hike because it is what you loved to do. We will focus on your smile, your laughter and all the joy you brought into our lives. And we will shed more tears as we do every day since you have been gone.
I love you baby girl and I miss you more than words can ever express. Love Mom
